The OTHER heartbreak…
I was hoping no one would realise that I elaborated on only one of the two blog-worthy healing points of my life. But since Akotowaa pointed it out, I had to write this out faster than I had hoped. I don’t like sounding emotional, but this was very real for me so I apologise in advance if I sound pathetic.
I don’t know if you can relate to this, but… there’s always that best friend who will always be there and never leave? She’s a waaayyyy better person than you are, but she inspires you on so many levels? Well, I had three and they were simply the best. For the purpose of this blog post, their names are Adjoa, Yaa and Abena. 🙂
They were the best! Adjoa loved to read, and I loved that about her, Abena was kind of the group mom, straightening each of us out with her strong opinions and Yaa was the ‘cool girl’. Thinking about it now, I was the awkward “wannabe” who made a lot of noise. We were a really cool team with dreams and a future together. We even wrote down a plan of a business we would run together. At the time, they were like pillars that made my life make sense.
Leaving Junior High School, I was anxious about the change that was coming and I kept praying that we would stick together, go to the same school, and live happily ever after. We didn’t, and it was a tough blow. Adjoa went on to SOS (I nearly did, too. I was used to the idea of Wesley Girls and wasn’t comfortable with the change).
With Adjoa in another school, I could see our dreams begin to crumble, but I just wouldn’t let it. In hindsight, I’m wondering why I never blamed Adjoa for leaving us. I think she made a good argument that things wouldn’t change much or something, I can’t really remember. But that didn’t matter, because I had a plan! The three of us would stick together and MAKE SURE we didn’t loose touch with Adjoa, four years would pass, and we would be reunited. We were us, we could survive this. I was sure of it.
That didn’t happen. From where I stood, Yaa replaced us with other cool girls like herself. They fit well together, mohm. But it was painful to watch. I saw her share food with new friends, build a stronger bond with them, care about them more than she cared about me.
Once, I heard her loud familiar laugh break out across the dining hall. While those around me ridiculed how anyone could laugh so loudly, I remember missing the moments when she laughed even louder with me or even at me. Now, we were practically strangers and this was the heartbreak: Yaa couldn’t be bothered. She had her life together and she was fine with it. Abena noticed the change but she had always been the strong one, she dealt with it in the grown-up way. Adjoa noticed the change but I don’t know how she was handling it; she was far away.
I noticed the change, and I didn’t like it. It made me feel abandoned and sidelined; almost as if the friendship that I esteemed so much was a figment of my imagination. I felt like an old toy that had been replaced by newer and better versions. It wasn’t a good feeling. At all.
Over the four years, I learnt how to stop making it about me. We each had bright lives ahead of us and there were crucial times and choices we needed to make and go through on our own.
This heartbreak taught me about seasons, expectations and perspectives. For all I know, Yaa may have needed me to be there for her when she was going through something and I was oblivious. If this were true, I would’ve been the heartbreaker from her perspective. I had an expectation that wasn’t met and I played victim because of that.
Even though Adjoa, Abena and I are pretty solid now, things are not as they were before. I still don’t know the full story of what happened when or why, but I have accepted the terms and used it for growth. Maybe we outgrew each other or maybe life happened or something. Nobody teaches you these things before life hits you. You just have to carry it in your stride, and make it work.
There are bits of that friendship that still linger and I see it in the conversations we have, and the texts that go back and forth. I still hope that one day, the four of us will enjoy a hot afternoon together, laughing over good food and wondering why we never started that business.
Until then, I cherish the mended heart that this experience gave me and I am ready to keep putting a 130% into every friendship I have. I know that things may not turn out how I expect them to in the long-run, but at least when that happens, I’ll be heart-sturdy if not ready.