My first heartbreak…
I recently had a conversation about healing. I think low-key, we were talking about a third person we both know 🙂 (But let’s talk about that juicy bit some other time!) the topic of discussion got me thinking about my past heartbreaks, and I realized I don’t have many 😂 😂 😂. I can’t decide whether that’s a good or bad thing, but the few I have had are not the typical ‘boy-leaves-girl-so-girl-can’t-live-anymore’ kind.
Allow me to take you on a bitter-sweet journey back in time… Off the top of my head, there are two healing points in my life that I believe are blog worthy and took place in Wesley Girls’ High School.
When I got into Gey Hey, I was very excited about making it into my dream school. Typical me, I was all over the place from the very first day. One of the very earliest memories I have, is meeting the entertainment prefects; one of whom I had known growing up. I had only known this girl as a book-worm who topped the school in all the subjects: she was the school’s very first Head Girl for crying out loud! Realizing that she was entertainment prefect was a shocker. Then it was a sign: if she who was ‘just’ a shark was entertainment prefect, how much more me, who was gifted in the arts of singing, dancing and writing. It was my calling!
Again, all over the place, I managed to get myself selected as a member of the entertainment committee and I did a marvelous job(If I say so myself). As usual, I invested a lot of my energy, time, passion, my family’s time and resources 😂! I left no stone unturned, mehn!
When I became a senior committee member, there were 3 spots for entertainment prefect. It was a known fact amongst students: ‘Ewurabena was the next Entertainment Prefect.’ I kept brushing off comments and ‘fans’ in modesty and feigned ignorance, but I believed it too. I had worked for it and I was great at it, why not?
No one told me that being good enough for the position wasn’t enough. No one mentioned the slightest possibility that they select the straight-A students over the students who had experience. I was in shock, and I was very shaken.
I remember trying to be strong about it but that was nearly impossible when EVERYONE was looking at you pitifully and extending a hand or hug or smile or pat or word of comfort. I NEEDED to be buried in the ground and out of sight. I can’t really explain it to you. I felt like I had been cut out of my life and placed in another life because I wasn’t good enough to play the role.
The heartache and depression for the rest of the year was much worse than the actual slap-in-the-face moment of rejection. I can remember bursts of different emotions at different times in that period, and its not a beautiful mix of feelings. I remember feeling angry, alone, frustrated, stupid, miserable, embarrassed, angry, inadequate, unappreciated, used… to mention a few.
But that curveball taught me a truckload of lessons about life, disappointments and purpose. Being one to have lost her way many times, I have come to know and understand that everything I go through, every foolish decision I make, eventually will contribute towards molding me into a strong woman.
I was never meant to be the over-achieving academic brainiac. It took too much effort that I wasn’t willing to put into it. There is no worth in becoming something I’m not in order to be who I am meant to be. This heartbreak pushed me closer to God and made me understand my worth better than I did before. I started seeing a bigger picture than my desires and my perspective.
I healed faster knowing: disappointments will come my way and I have to choose to rise above the din or drown in the blast. Gey Hey broke me. At that point, I thought I could never recover but in that situation, it showed me how to be a better version of me. I’m grateful for that!