I have been asking myself a lot of questions about faith. I’ve been believing God for a testimony for a while now, and though He’s been showing up in every other area of my life, this particular thing seems like a mountain that my faith is unable to move. I fear my faith may be slightly off, or something else. I say this because, I’ve found myself asking God a lot of questions, when having questions seems like a taboo in some circles.
My mother sent me a video that was “forwarded many times” on WhatsApp. It was a video of Steve Harvey talking about a quote Albert Einstein made, and how it was taken from scripture. In summary, Steve Harvey said if you believed in something hard enough, it will become reality. Since I watched that video, I’ve been thinking a lot about faith.
I then read the story of Abraham and his wife Sarah. Abraham was one to whom righteousness was accounted by virtue of his faith/belief. And yet, even he was at a point was like, God are you sure about this? I mean, even the act of him having a child with Hagar, in spite of the fact that his wife suggested, could be interpreted as doubt. And yet- Genesis 15:6 says: “Then Abram believed in (affirmed, trusted in, relied on, remained steadfast to) the Lord; and He counted (credited) it to him as righteousness (doing right in regard to God and man).” AMP
Something happened at work; we were supposed to have a party last two weeks to celebrate February borns. An announcement was made on Thursday: “We are having the party tomorrow. So when you're coming to work, dress for a party”. Mind you, this announcement had come many times before without the party actually happening. One reason or another would come up and the party would be postponed. On party day, one of my work colleagues said: “I didn’t dress for a party, o. I dressed for work. Just in case the party doesn’t come on, I won’t be disappointed” It was funny, yet sounded very familiar. I sometimes try not to hope to hard, or believe something will happen - so that just in case it doesn't happen, I would have managed my expectations. Is that faith, though?
I see people living out a cautious kind of faith, where you don’t hope for the crazy and impossible things – and I see people living out a crazy kind of faith that leaves people in shock saying, “eiiii”. The kind of faith that looks like madness to the unbelieving and the kind of faith that makes sense, are both on a spectrum of ‘believing until things exist’. Wherever you fall on the spectrum, you’ve probably felt that uneasiness that comes with not knowing what comes next. That lingering weight of the unknown that you can only battle with prayers and declarations, in hope that things will turn around.
Very often, I’ve found myself there- in a place that’s somewhere between faith and madness. Whenever I find myself there, I comfort myself in the truth I have known and have experienced; The Goodness of God. God’s ability to provide. Gods inability to lie. God’s faithfulness to His people. God’s just nature. God’s sovereignty. Somewhere in-between faith and madness, I’ve found God. I have not found all the answers, but He’s enough.
When you hope for something, and yet every possible roadblock exists between you and that place, and your heart is heavy with “will it ever happen?”, run to God with it. I have learnt that having questions, being sad, etc in itself may come naturally – your disposition, posture, and what you do with all of that, though – is what makes the difference. Let your questions draw you closer to God. Don’t let your emotions drift you further from Him.
If you are reading this and you have questions: “How can I secure evidence of things you have not seen?” “Can I be angry with God without losing faith?” “If I am sad for a moment, does that mean I don’t have faith?” “If I have a lot of questions, does that mean I’ve lost faith?” – There could be a million and one questions – I’ve learnt that God wants to answer them all. Run to Him.
Signed with Many Questions, Faith, and Belief in God,
Rabby